Naruto's Castastrophes
by Black Magic Necromancer
Summary: Series of random events happening in Naruto's life. Naruto and his friends experience humorous adventures and journeys. They go through dire situations and try to solve them with jokes and other kinds of stupidity. READ NOW!
1. Nonsense Goin' Around

Naruto

Naruto: Shippuden

**A/N: I don't own Naruto and any of the family guy ideas.**

IN THE INN: LIKE 7:00

"Ahh what a B-E-A-UTIFUL Day", Naruto joyfully said as he got up from his bed.

"HEY! Be quiet up there", yelled Naruto's grouchy innkeeper named Squidward.

"Okay gosh! I can't even express myself in the morning", Naruto complained.

Naruto lazily got out of bed, dressed up, and walked to the front door.

"Ready to get me self a mission", Naruto cheerfully said.

AT TSUNADE"S OFFICE

Tsunade asked, "Naruto may I ask you why do you have your clothes on backwards?"

Naruto examined himself. "Ohhh, no wonder I felt hot this morning."

As he starts to unzip his suit Tsunade abruptly cried out, "OHH HELL NO!! Change somewhere else other than here."

Naruto groaned and walks to a closet and changes. He reentered into the office.

"So can I have a mission now Granny?" Naruto pleaded.

"No, unfortunately we have no missions now," Tsunade claimed without any sympathy.

Suddenly, Shizune walked in.

"Lady Tsunade we have more missions now."

"Ohhh crap. Naruto, I'll sign you a mission then, along with Kiba and Sakura," said Tsunade.

Naruto asked, "Why not Sasuke and Sakura? We make Team Ka-Ka-Ka-Ka-Ka-…..shi."

Tsunade violently smacked Naruto across the face causing him to topple noisily over the hard floor.

"That's because Sasuke is gone and has became a missing nin," Tsunade concluded.

"What when was this?!" Naruto shockingly says. He was in total disbelief as if he had only heard this three-year-old news just now.

"WHAT!? WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHEN WAS THIS?! Now I'm adding Neji and Shino to torture you." Tsunade started laughing hysterically.

Tsunade gots every one together and explained the mission to them. They had to escort a fellow ninja who is valuable and is soon going to be affiliated with Konoha.

OUTSIDE IN THE VILLAGE.

Neji says, "Pack your stuff people and lets get going."

Shino glareed at Neji, "who made you captain of this team?"

"Tsunade did, she made me, Neji Hyuuga, captain of this team. Besides I paid her five bucks to do so."

"What! That's no fair I wanna be captain," Shino says in a childish voice.

"No, I'm captain," says Neji in a baby voice.

"Oh no you didn't just say that again!" Shino created a loud snapping noisy with his fingers while in unison swiftly moved his hand left and right.

"Well that's too bad because Tsunade made me."

"Stop it! I'm telling on you."

"You wouldn't dare," Neji said in a threatening voice.

"Okay that's was the most pointless battle ever, and you guys haven't even finish packing up," said Sakura.

"Hey Sakura you wanna go out sometime after this mission, " Naruto asked randomly.

"Nope," Sakura replied quickly and without a second thought.

Naruto cries and runs away like a baby, into his room, in the corner, where no one can see him.

"Well look like we're going without him," Kiba happily says.

"Look what you did Sakura. You could have yes then dump him after then mission," Neji explained. You can hear Naruto crying in the distance.

Sakura realizes this and says, "Your right. Now Naruto is feeling sad, crying, fat, dumb, stupid, unattractive, not funny-"

"OKAY I think we get it already!" Neji interrupted.

AT NARUTO ROOM

"Hey, what's my favorite man crying about," asked Kakashi.

"Your just saying that to make me feel better." Naruto sadly said.

"Yup," answered Kakashi. "Hey I know just the thing that will make you feel better."

"What is it? A NEW jutsu!" screamed Naruto.

"No. A FROG!" Kakashi happily said. "I caught one for you, poked some holes in its back so it can breath." Kakashi opens the box. (This section is all from family guy). "Well here it is." The frog starts gagging and choking from the wounds and dies. "Oh no better get rid of this."

Kakashi aims for the window and misses.

"Man you suck. So much for being a ninja." Naruto critics Kakashi's aiming skills with a box. The frog then falls out of the box. For the next five minutes Kakashi trying to scoop up the frog. He is fully concentrated on the challenge the world has given him on scooping frogs.

"Hey wait hold up. How did you get in here without making a sound." Naruto asks suspiciously

"Easy. I used my……. Earth bending skills to go right through this floor." Kakashi says confidently

"Ummm just to let you know, the floor is made of wood," said Naruto.

"Oh……. Hey look a squirrel!" says Kakashi happily. Then squirrel gets run over by a runaway cart. This makes Kakashi sad. "OHH No, imagine all the fun I could have had with that squirrel. Romantic music starts playing and pictures of Kakashi and the squirrel appear out of nowhere. "Hey WAIT I didn't pay for THIS!?" cries Naruto. It shows them eating ice cream together and them in the playground. Kakashi cries in the same corner Naruto was in.

"Okay…..," Naruto backs away slowly.

ALONG THE PATH OUTSIDE TO THE FIRE COUNTRY

Neji, Sakura, Kiba, and Shino have already started the escort mission without Naruto.

Everyone was walking on the path when suddenly, "WAIT EVERYONE STOP!!" yelled Kiba. "A vicious creature is approaching." Everyone is terrified and starts taking out there weapons. "What is Kiba?!" asked the nervous Neji. "IT's, its, its ,its-" Kiba wanted to create some suspense. "WHAT IS IT KIBA?" cried Neji. "JUST TELL US ALREADY!" commanded Shino.

"IT"SSS…………………… an ant," Kiba.

"You know what? I am NEVER doing a mission with you again, EVER!?" yelled Neji angrily. Everyone agreed to Neji complaint. "

"Yeah your right Neji," Tenten agreed. "Yup. Hold on a sec why are you here Tenten?" Neji asked. "Well I was stalking you Neji," answered Tenten. "OK! Cut! I don't wanna do this I'm off the mission," complained Neji. Neji summons a clone right in FRONT of her and runs off and she follows it.

"Man she's dumb like that time she stole a free donut," Kiba then waits patiently for a clip to happen like in family guy. "Okay no clip there that's okay with me. I thought everyone was supportive here.'

They eventually retrieve the person from the fire country. Naruto catches up with them. "Hey guys whoa-". The person they were escorting appears to be a young kid.

"WE have the boy now! We are forced to take you hostage youngly," Kiba tells the boy in terrifying voice. "I now must teach you the ways of the force."

They start walking back towards the village. It was extremely quiet. "Okay I wanna get something going on around here," Naruto groaned. Then some sounds where made in the bushes. "Okay I think we should stop and have Neji use his White Eyes thingy-a-bob."

"Why should I? You the one who scared the crap out of us with that ant thing," argued Neji.

Shurikens suddenly started flying at them in various directions. "I'll save you!!" yelled Naruto. Naruto dove in front of Sakura sacrifice himself to shurikens, unfortunately, his sacrifice was pretty pointless. He just hit the floor and ate dirt. "Naruto! The shurikens missed and flew pass me already," Sakura said with disappointment.

"Such a late reaction," Neji said. Everyone was fighting except for Kiba.

BEHIND A TREE

He was hitting on the enemy ninja because he knew it was a female ninja. And she was actually cooperating with him. "So do you wanna go out sometime in my village," asked Kiba. "I don't know is it nice over there?" the female ninja asked. "Yup its pretty neat and-"

"KIBA GET YOUR BUTT OVER HERE!!"commanded Neji in a loud, angry voice. It sounded as if he was constipated for years.

"Well gotta go, call me," whispered Kiba.

The fight was over and the kid was crawled next to a tree. "Hey I recognized that tree where that kid is, it's where…. I ….peeed…. on," Kiba started walking forward to the village slowly.

"CODE RED CODE RED! The kid a severely infected with Kiba's stupidity," Naruto cried out.

"You know that hurts," Kiba sadly said. Naruto rips a piece of Sakura's skirt. He wipes the dirt off the kid.

"NARUTO!! WHAT THE FRENCH TOAST," Sakura yelled at Naruto.

"Get over it! Be a man! Suck it up! Toughen yourself! Man up! Besides you need to show your legs more," suggested Naruto.

Sakura punched Naruto so hard that he was already in the village. Soon everyone showed up at midnight and went to Tsunade's office.

TSUNADE'S OFFICE

Tsunade is snoring on the desk. Everyone is waiting for her to wake up. Naruto taps her on the shoulder.

"WWHATT! I didn't do it!" says Tsunade in a frightened voice. "Ohh, its just you. Well how did it go?"

"It was great. Here he is. Wait a minute where is Shino?" Naruto asked.

"I'm right here," said Shino. "WHOA. Dude you go on a whole day without saying a thing! You haven't said anything for the past couple of pages above this line."

"Just play along Naruto," Sakura said. "And I want that piece back!"

"Sorry! While I was for you guys to get to the village, I went home to drop off the kids in the pool. I ran out of toilet paper so I used that piece of cloth and flush down the toilet," Naruto explained. Sakura bursts into flames but gets over it.

Tsunade asks in a accent of some sort, "Why boy smell like pee?"

Naruto answers, "Ohh I know. That's because he crawl under the same tree Kiba peeed on."

"NARUTO!!"

PLEASE REVIEW AFTER THE BEAT. BEAT!!


	2. Team View

Naruto (Shippuden)

Naruto (Shippuden)

IN KAKASHI'S HOUSE (Which is a nice one story home with a living room with furniture, a kitchen, one room, and one bathroom)

"Okay since you guys can't work together well and cooperate on being the right kind of ninja, I'll have to show you guys a video on how to be one," said Kakashi.

Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura groaned. Then on the screen some hentai poped up.

"OOPPS! Sorry about that." Kakashi immediately stops the video and starts ransacking throughout his whole collection of videos. Sakura starts blushing and looks at Sasuke. Sasuke looks at Naruto and Naruto asks Kakashi if he could keep that video.

Kakashi looks at Naruto, "No Naruto this is adult content, you are not allowed to see this stuff."

Naruto complains and asks, "Ohhh yeah, how long did you have that? It looks PRET-TY dusting and ancient."

"Shut up Naruto, what he is saying is that you're not mature enough," said Sakura.

Sasuke was being his old self by not getting himself involved and staying quiet.

"Here it is glad you guys didn't see the rest of that ridiculous video." Kakashi slowly puts the tape into his so called 'high-quality' VHS.

ON SCREEN (The characters are not shippuden)

"Hey everyone we're going to show you how to become a ninja," screams Naruto.

In the back round Sasuke looks at the camera, "This video going to be stupid, it's a complete waste of time."

"Anyways the first step to being a ninja is that you have to discover what kind of ninja you are, a demonic, powerful, HOKAGE-material ninja like ME, a quiet be cool all-day, fire douche like Sasuke, or a neutral which is not even related to a ninja like Sakura," explained Naruto.

Sakura punches Naruto in the face. "Oww!" Naruto faints. It happens also to Naruto outside the screen, in real life!

AT KAKASHI"S HOUSE (not related to the video)

Naruto lying on the couch with a bump in his head

OKAY BACK TO THE VIDEO THEY'RE WATCHING

"Now the second thing you have to do is commit yourself to becoming that certain ninja," says Sakura.

An example shows up on the screen: "I wanna be able to mold poo justsu."

"Okay something that is actually beneficial to help your country not to help satisfy your poop molding needs," instructs Naruto.

"After that you must go to a ninja academy-"

"NOT FOR MORE THAN ONE YEAR unlike Naruto here," Sakura interrupted.

"Don't be stupid, Sakura, I happen to get out of that academy in half a year ….. and maybe 2 years." (I don't know how long he was in the academy)

"There you will learn to use kunais and shurikens," says Sakura.

Another example appears on the screen:

It shows an ordinary boy throwing shurikens at the target on the tree. He misses a couple of times. The boy gets a bulls-eye and cheers for himself. The camera looks at the target and spots the bulls-eye with a shuriken on it. It also sees a fellow jounin who died 1 minute ago because one of the shurikens that missed the tree hit him on the head.

A chunin walks by.

"Intruder alert, there's a killer in the city, warn the hokage about this!! Hurry," cries out the chunin. The boy turns sad. Example ends quickly.

"Okay that was weird, no wonder he died," Naruto looks at Sakura. "Your purty."

Sakura backs off.

Kakashi fast forwards the video. Where it shows them saying that teamwork is important once you get assigned to a team. Tsunade cancels the video in the end.

"Man who's that lady, her voice sounds familiar, it sounds like a annoying old-lady sound," wondered Naruto.

"THAT'S Lady Tsunade Naruto!" said Sakura.

"Why do you have to answer everything? It makes you a person who knows it all, and that's why I like you," said Naruto.

"EWWW!" cried Sakura.

STILL AT KAKASHI'S HOUSE

"I still hate teamwork," says Sasuke.

"Well that's too bad! Not everyone thinks like you Sasuke," Said Naruto.

"Quiet children violence is not the answer," interrupts Kakashi.

"But we weren't even fighting yet," exclaimed Naruto.

"Oh! I meant by verbally," explained Kakasshi. "Get on out of my house now, I hope this video taught you meddling kids about teamwork."

All three responded, "No."

"Man, I hate you fellow ninja," complained Kakashi.


	3. Bloopers!

NARUTO (SHIPPUDEN): Mishaps

NARUTO (SHIPPUDEN): Mishaps

Series of Bloopers

SASUKE AND ORICHIMARU IN THE HIDEOUT

"Sasuke what is it you desire; power, fame, the world. Tell me." Orichimaru glares at Sasuke.

"First I desire for you to stop staring at me like that. Second I what some ramen from Konoha. Kabuto go fetch me some ramen," Sasuke demanded.

"But if I go they will hold me capive. I'll be tortured and I'll die there. I go get ramen from somewhere else. How about some instant noodle?" suggests Kabuto.

"No! That has too much calories," Sasuke said.

"WAIT a second. The actual ramen in Konoha has more calories than the instant noodle," argued Kabuto.

"EXACTLY! Now go! It's twelve point five six seconds past my lunch time," Sasuke complained.

"UGHHH!" Kabuto groaned.

He goes to Konoha and retrieves Sasukes ramen. Kabuto appears to be all torn up and beaten.

"Here's your ramen," muttered Kabuto.

"Ewww! Your really dirty. Now I don't want ramen. I want instant noodle," commanded Sasuke.

"EERRRRRRR!" Kabuto was going to explode.

NARUTO, NEJI, AND SHIKAMARU ON A INGESTIGATION

"It seems that the enemy was attacked already by his own allies," Neji guessed.

"Well (fart)," said Naruto. Shikamaru and Neji look at Naruto strangely. "What?" asked Naruto.

"Nothing (Naruto farts)." Neji quickly turns his head to Naruto. Naruto farts whenever someone talks.

"Look (Naruto farts) at all (Naruto farts) these bloodstains (Naruto farts)," Shikamaru says. Shikamaru eventually smells Naruto's fart and walks somewhere else.

"Okay (Naruto farts) I-" Neji stares at Naruto. "Would you cut that out?"

"Cut (farts) what out (farts)?" asks Naruto.

"Your no very good at disguising it Naruto," pointed Shikamaru.

"What I'm not (farts) disguising anything," defended Naruto.

"That's it we should redo this– OHHH MAN! IT STINKS LIKE HECK!! HOLY SLLS," complained Neji.

Shikamaru covers his nose quickly and flees somewhere where it's fresh. The cameraman faints and drops the camera.

"Ohh finally! I can release the rest," said Naruto with relief. He farts for an extra 30 seconds.

"Yep that's the stench of victory," Naruto said.

NARUTO, CHOJI, LEE (SHORT RECREATION OF THE PEPSI MAX COMMERCIAL)

"Man I am so tired," Naruto said. His head starts dropping down repeatedly.

"I want to go to sleep," whinned Lee. A Pepsi Max slides down next to Lee.

"Drink it! It will keep you awake," informed Chouji.

Lee soon drank the Pepsi Max. He starts dancing out of no where. Naruto looks at him and he skims the village. EVERYONE IS ALSO DANCING!

"Seems like that they drank this stuff too," thought Naruto.

Sakura was doing the cabbage patch, Tsunade was popping her head side-to-side, Shizune was doing the running man, and Sasuke was doing the spirit fingers.

"WHOA! This is so going on the internet," exclaimed Naruto.

Neji appears at the ramen shop and gets ramen. He sees two people popping there side-to-side and holding the Pepsi Max.

"STOP IT!" yelled Neji.

ASUMA, INO, SASUKE, SHIKAMARU

"There's an emergency coming from Asuma's house. We have to get there now," ordered Sasuke.

"I think that we should tell Tsunade about the situation," suggested Ino.

"No time lets get going," Sasuke said.

As they reach the house they hear an old lady crying. They slowly approach the door and they carefully open the door. Once the door opens Sasuke responds to the emergency.

"Lady what is-" Sasuke looks down at Asuma. It appears that the old lady crying sound is coming from Asuma.

"What's wrong Asuma?" asked Shikamaru.

Asuma continues to cry on the carpet in his house. "Kurenai dumped me," Asmua said.

"I think you should take a break. There ther, it's going to be alright." Shikamaru patted Asuma on his back.

"OHHH COME ON!!" cried Sasuke.

SASUKE, SAKURA, AND NARUTO (DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE ACTUAL IDEA)

"Hey Naruto, I'm going on a date with Sakura. How should I treat her on the first date?" asked Sasuke.

"I think that you should treat her like crap. She'll think your cool and stuff," explained Naruto.

"Okay. What if that doesn't work?" Sasuke asked.

"There's no if. It always works." Naruto patted Sasuke on his shoulder. "Go get em' tiger," Naruto said. "VICTORY IS SWEET," Naruto thought.

Sasuke thens picks up Sakura from her house. They walk to a theme park. Sasuke buys tickets for her.

"Thanks Sasuke," Sakura said gratefully.

Sasuke throws the ticket on the floor and he slaps Sakura in the face. "PICK THAT UP! And make yourself useful by knitting a sweater!" commanded Sasuke.

"Sasuke! That hurt," complained Sakura.

"Sorry," Sasuke sadly said.

They both waited a couple seconds and they start making out.

"Damn! I thought this was going to work." Naruto was spying on them behind a tree.

NARUTO WORKING AT THE RAMEN SHOP

"Okay you get to manual the noodles okay Naruto. I'll start you off easy since it's first day," said Ichiriku (Dude that owns ramen shop)

"So uhhh where's your daughter?" wondered Naruto.

"Ohh she's getting married," responded Ichiriku.

"Awww. I wanted to go out with her," Naruto sadly said.

"You say something," asked Ichiriku.

"Nuttin. So how do I know when the noodles are ready?" asked Naruto.

"The noodles are ready when the turn white," answered Ichiriku.

"OKAY!" Naruto excitedly said.

The first customer came in. It was Kakashi.

"Ka-ka sensei!!" yelled Naruto.

"Ohhhhhh crap," cried Kakashi. "I was one pork, meso ramen with all toppings please," requested Kakashi.

"Okay nooooooodles coming right up," Naruto said. Naruto swings that noodle holder thing and the noodles fly out and hit Kakashi's face.

"Seems like I missed the bowl," thought Naruto.

"That's because the noodles were released too early and also because there was no bowl in front," explained Ichiriku.

"Ohhh sorry sensei. You know I think you should teach me a technique. Something that will knock Sasuke's socks off," requested Naruto.

"No." Kakashi takes the noodles out of his head.

Kakashi had to wait a couple of extra minutes to get his order.

"YES I FINALLY GOT IT RIGHT!" cheered Naruto.

"Yeah out of ten tries," said Kakashi.


End file.
